Category Archives: Politics

Triumph The Insult Comic Dog Visits a “Safe Space” at UNH

“Frat-Boys is an offensive term. They should be called, Rapist-Americans.” – Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.

Watch Triumph the Insult Comic dog invade a “safe space” at UNH, to slap around some limp-wristed hipsters with their false sense of piety and sunken chest cavities that are so deep, I could eat four bowls of Captain Crunch out of them. This is hilarious. It’s not as funny as when he invaded the Star Wars convention ten years ago. But, it’s fitting with how politically correct and soft America is becoming.

AbsoluteSavage.com has officially declared War on the Pussification of America. The heart of this pussification, is drilled into mindless “social justice warriors” that are brainwashed by the totalitarian left at Universities across the country. There is nobody better to attack this pussification – other than Thrillride – than Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.

I’ve always been a huge fan of Triumph. Now, more than ever, we need Triumph to slap these softies across the face. Seriously. Can you imagine a world with these wimps calling the shots?

Breaking: Cruz Campaign are Closet Porn Addicts

Ted Cruz and his campaign have proven – once and for all – how closet-creepy they truly are. Probably after an afternoon Bible reading, they “discovered” that one of the actresses in their recent ad was a former 90’s soft-core pornstar, Amy Lindsay. They pulled the ad, which I’ve posted above. If you want to get caught up, mix in a porn website search. It won’t take more than 30 seconds. RRRRRRRAHHHHHHH! But seriously… citing primary sources is important.

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Bottom line: she was a soft-core porn actress on Skin-emax, bro. It’s not like she was doing hardcore “butt-stuff.” AM I RIGHT???

There are two types of bros in the world:

1) Bros that watch porn, and,

2) Liars.

Listen fellas: regardless of how long you’ve been in a relationship, the average dude can tell you who the top 10 “trending” pornstars are on Pornhub, RedTube, etc. If you’re thinking, “Yeah right dude, I get so much sex I never watch porn,” that would make you a false alpha, gamma-male and a liar. At a minimum, you could absolutely pick them out in a police line-up.

If you’re a dude in your early 30s like me, you can probably list some of the retro stars when you were watching through the “squiggles,” when you turned the TV to Channel 2 and put the cable box to Channel 42. That’s right. In our early teenage years, we watched porn the same way you watched Mike Tyson bite Hollyfield’s ear off – illegally and squinting harder than Kim Jong-un driving straight into the sun. I’m totally kidding. He doesn’t drive.

Okay – I got off track a little…

The point is, this woman was a soft-core porn actress from the early 90s. How much porn did the Cruz Campaign have to watch to find out that she was a pornstar? Seriously. Think about that…

Some creepy old guy in the campaign had to be like, “I thought I’d bring something potentially embarrassing to your attention. I was casually searching YouJizz, under the Softcore Retro Category, yesterday. They typically have better character development and a more coherent plot. I couldn’t help but notice that the wholesome woman we cast in this particular role happened to be riding another gentleman like American Pharaoh. It was a pretty ferocious pace.”

I think it’s more than likely that this political nerd had a Skin-emax soft-core porn VHS collection from 1994 including Deviant WhoresKinky Sex ClubExposed and Milf  – all Amy Lindsay classics. You’re welcome…

The moral of the story: This is another example of when Conservatives and Republicans lose respect from “middle of the road” people. Acting like you’re against pornography, while secretly rubbing one out to obscure soft-core skin-emax films is the height of hypocrisy.

 

Hot Take on “Pharma-Boy”

Fox-News, the New York Times, CNBC and Time Magazine all refer to him as a “Pharma-Bad-Boy.” I think I speak for all of us when I say: The fact that you are calling this 140lb beta-male a “Bad-Boy” is a prime example of the Pussification of America.

All this dink did was raise the price of a 65 year old drug from $13 to $750 per pill. Scott Hall and Kevin Nash were bad-boys in the NWO, sniffing coke of bitches titties after an episode of WCW Monday Nitro in 1998, when Pro Wrestling was like Rock & Roll.

 Pharma-Boy Arrested - Martin Shkreli

Am I an expert in the Pharmaceutical Industry? No. Let’s just say that most the pharmaceuticals I’ve taken in my life aren’t exactly, “Street Legal.” But, I am an expert in knowing that this guy is a Pee Wee Herman look-a-like with a smirk on his face like Jerry Sandusky handing out orange slices during half-time of youth a soccer game. There is a 98% chance that this dink masturbates to anime porn. Seriously. Do you even question that statistic? Look at this squid!

Bro, all the money in the world doesn’t change the fact that you have spent 20,000 hours playing World of Warcraft with your Lord of the Rings pajamas. It is NOT about the corporate greed. It’s the fact that you’re rockin’ that Columbine/Pedophile look. And, it’s creeping everyone out.