It’s flu season. Forget about some beta MD shoving a swab up your nose and waiting 3 hours for him to confirm what you already know.
Take the Absolute Savage Approach to crushing the flu.
Fight the lack of energy with pre-workout. Mix up a glass (or 3) to muster the energy to roll off the couch. When you can't feel your face it's working. You'll end up on the floor but lounging is beta.
Practice your free throws. Each time you blow your nose, shoot the tissue into a Trader Joe’s bag and win the game. Apologize to your wife for the missed shots.
Alphas don’t take days off. Work from home. Blast off as many emails as possible. Your boss and coworkers will consider you a hero for faking routine work that they will never read anyway.
4. No Netflix Binging.
That's for NARPS (Non Athletic Regular People). Don’t waste your time binging on beta shows like “The Ranch” or “This is Us.” Put on an uplifting sports doc that will inspire you to work hard and pump your chest like Matthew McConaughey in Wolf of Wall Street, even though you can't breathe because it's as congested as 5th Avenue.
Do your workouts at home, don't spread your germs in the gym. Don't just walk, sprint to the bathroom and lunge to center your face over the toilet bowl. Let it burn, Reggie.
6. Reduce Your Fever.
If you’re soaking through your clothes with a fever, don’t just lie there. Throw on shorts and a t-shirt, crawl outside and shovel snow. Not only will this reduce your fever but you may contract pnuemonia and drop more lbs.
7. Pasta is for pussies.
Just because you’re sick you don't cheat on your diet. Scrambies and rotisserie chickens are still on the menu.
Aside from the gallon of water that all savages should be drinking daily, add a gallon of cold brew coffee and pedialyte. Pedialyte is a miracle beverage for savages, it cures the flu and adds insurance from last week's hangover.
9. Handsomeness Should Officially Happen.
Even though you look like a corpse, shower, style your hair and admire the 10 pounds that are no longer there. “You look good, you play good”- Deon Sanders.
10. Don't Be a Dink.
Avoid this debacle next year. Get a fucking flu shot.
Disclaimer: The Savage Approach to curing the flu is not recommended. The words and content in this blog and linked materials should not be construed as professional medical advice. If the reader has a medical problem he should consult a licensed physician and not an Absolute Savage.